The garbage in New York City is piling high because it hasn’t been collected in over a week due to the recent snow storm.  The mayor is asking children to please stop having trashball fights and making garbagemen.

Brett Favre says he’s retiring from football for real this time.  His coach was upset Favre chose to tell him via picture mail.

Two months after separating from wife Courtney Cox, David Arquette checked into rehab for alcoholism and depression.  Courtney said she supports David’s decision and promised to visit soon with Rachel and Pheebs.

Some iPhone users are irate that they overslept on New Year’s Day due to a software glitch that kept the phone’s alarm from going off. Steve Jobs offered no apology but told customers if they are that upset about oversleeping on New Year’s Day, they can download a free iPhone app called boo-fricking-hoo.

A top officer on a U.S. aircraft carrier is in trouble for showing a video to his crew that featured profanity, gay slurs, masturbation jokes, and women bathing together. The officer apologized and said he thought Jersey Shore was a war documentary.

Lindsay Lohan quoted Ghandi in a tweet on New Year’s Day saying ‘Today is the first day of the rest of my life, the future depends on what we do in the present, one step at a time’.  Ghandi’s grandson replied ‘a hundred bucks says you’re back in rehab by March’.

Scientists are saying dolphins are so smart, they should be treated as people.  Dolphins are saying that would be (quote) ‘a welcome advance in inter-species relations’.

Facebook surpassed Google as the most visited website in 2010.  Apparently Oprah cut back on googling herself.

A third of 9-month-old babies in the US are overweight, or as the other two-thirds call it…fat.

The Discovery Channel postponed the broadcast of a show that re-enacts Michael Jackson’s autopsy.  They were unable to find a willing impersonator.

In an interview this week, Paula Abdul said she finds it annoying that people perceive her as stupid. Then she said a bunch of stupid stuff.

John Mellencamp and supermodel wife Elaine Irwin are splitting up after 18 years.  A spokesman for the rocker said the couple had a successful marriage but felt it was time to get some publicity.

Several states will raise their minimum wage next year to match the rising cost of living.  In response, several companies will raise the price of goods and services.

Mayor Bloomberg is dealing with a major weather crisis in New York City.  To help rid the streets of snow, he lifted the ban on public urination.

Queen Elizabeth became a great-grandmother yesterday.  The new baby girl is 12th in line to the throne and could become a major British celebrity some day, depending on how attractive she gets.

The Hawaii Reporter is estimating that President Obama’s vacation is costing taxpayers $1.4 million.  Obama said that number doesn’t take into account the money he saved sitting through a time-share presentation.

MTV canceled it’s plans to drop Snooki in a ball in Times Square on New Years Eve.  Jersey Shore producers were afraid it might make her look silly.

Agathe von Trapp, from the musical family who inspired The Sound of Music, died Wednesday at the age of 97. On a positive note, the hills are still alive.

Senator Tom Coburn said it was a waste to give half a million dollars in federal funds to curators of a Grateful Dead archive.  The curator’s pot dealer strongly disagrees.

Brett Favre was fined $50,000 by the NFL for failing to cooperate with investigations into lewd photos he allegedly sent to a former Jets employee.  Favre said they can fine him all they want, he’ll never take part in a penis lineup.

Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband was hospitalized after gluing one of his eyes shut with what he thought were eyedrops, just two months after being hospitalized for swallowing a bee.  Doctors told his handlers to be on the safe side and remove anything from his home that may be an object.

A new survey says women own 21 pairs of underwear on average, that only half bother to fold them, and that one out of ten will occasionally leave the house without wearing any at all.  The survey was conducted last year illegally for recreational purposes by the North American Association of Peeping Toms.

British police arrested a man for stealing a violin he claims he had no idea was worth two million dollars.  When the man begged for lesser charges, the prosecutor played him the world’s saddest song on the world’s smallest violin.

Natalie Portman announced she is engaged to a classically trained ballet dancer she met while making Black Swan. A friend of Portman who requested anonymity said it will be the role of her lifetime playing someone’s beard.

A bus driver in Illinois got in trouble for running over a snowman in the street.  In the driver’s defense, it was giving her the finger.

Patrick Kennedy of Rhode Island will vacate his seat in Congress next month, marking the first time in 63 years without a Kennedy in federally elected office. The occasion also marks the first time anyone outside of Rhode Island heard of Patrick Kennedy.

Bristol Palin, daughter of Sarah Palin and spokesperson for abstinence, recently bought a five-bedroom house.  Although she’ll live alone, Bristol said she wanted extra bedrooms so her friends can practice abstinence.

One in four students who try to join the United States Army fail an entrance exam that includes basic math, science and reading questions.  To improve this number, the Army plans to start recruiting in Asia.

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said yesterday it’s likely President Obama will seek re-election in 2012, that is, if the Republicans say it’s OK.

Hugh Hefner tweeted that his 23-year-old girlfriend Crystal Harris burst into tears yesterday when he gave her an engagement ring. A very excited Harris told reporters she couldn’t wait to pick out a funeral dress.

R&B singer Chris Brown tweeted he was proud he completed domestic violence classes that were part of his sentence for assaulting ex-girlfriend Rihanna. He went on to say he was glad they were friends again now that they’ve both learned their lesson.

A woman apologized to R&B singer Usher for accidentally kicking him in the face during a concert last week in New York. Usher accepted her apology and said it wasn’t the first time he’d been mistaken for Kanye West.

Paris Hilton has launched her own motorcycle racing team that will compete on the championship circuit next year. Hilton admits she knows nothing about motorcycle racing and that she got the idea the same day she recorded her album.

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg visited China today on business. Since access to Facebook is blocked there, he’ll have to wait until he gets back to tell his friends which Beatles song he is.

Bone fragments found on a South Pacific island are being analyzed to determine if they belong to Amelia Earhart. Family members said they are preparing for the possibility she may be dead.

It took 26 hours for a dog in Germany to give birth to 17 puppies.  Even the Octomom said she felt sorry for the bitch.

Opening night for Spider-Man the musical has been delayed until February due to injuries and other setbacks. Devoted fans of Spider-Man comic books and movies will have to wait a little while longer to trash it.

A Lady Gaga concert was canceled in Paris because several trucks delivering items for the event got delayed in a snowstorm. One of the trucks was her costume.

‘Little Fockers’, the second sequel to ‘Meet The Parents’ opens in theaters this Wednesday.  Eager to match the success of the first two films, producers gave Ben Stiller a stool to help him milk the joke.

The Senate repealed ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ today, allowing gays to serve openly in the military without getting kicked out for doing so.  Opponents of the repeal had mixed feelings, but no one is more disappointed than Corporal Max Klinger from MASH.

Former President Jimmy Carter said he believes America is ready for its first gay president. After hearing this, Bill Clinton called Bush senior and asked ‘are you gonna tell him about Truman or should I?’.

Barbara Streisand appeared on Larry King and said she was glad Obama is facing this economic crisis instead of President Hillary Clinton because people would have blamed her gender, finally putting to rest the rumor that King and Streisand are the same person.

Tonight is the last episode of Larry King Live.  CNN execs said they wanted to end the show before Larry King Dead.

Larry King will host his last show tonight after 25 years interviewing celebrities, politicians and news makers.  Loyal viewers will be on the edge of their seats for the finale to see if maybe he’ll wake up in his first wife’s bed or be whacked in a diner.

Larry King will host his last show tonight after 25 years interviewing celebrities, politicians and news makers. King said he is sad to go, but the show was getting in the way of his divorce hobby.

Larry King will host his last show tonight after 25 years interviewing celebrities, politicians and news makers.  Final guest Bill Mahar said Larry’s departure is the end of an era, and it will be difficult to tell him.

Virgin Airlines founder Richard Branson will be working in drag as a stewardess on an Air AsiaX flight because he lost a bet to a rival company’s CEO.  Had he won the bet, Branson would have been allowed to do it twice.

A record low 13% of Americans say they approve of the way Congress is doing its job.  Congressional leaders are scrambling to put together a bill that would allow them to adjust the survey results.

President of Afghanistan Hamid Karzai was reportedly very upset to lose out to Mark Zuckerberg as Time Magazine’s Person Of The Year.  Upon hearing the news, Karzai posted profanity on Mark’s wall and de-friended him.

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was named Time magazine’s Person of the Year.  Mark Zuckerberg ‘likes’ this.